who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
