So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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