i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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