dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
