As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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