A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
