Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
