you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
