Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
