I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
