Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
