scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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