listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize