omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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