Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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