R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
