if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
