I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
