6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
