I hope mine doesn't look like that
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
