do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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