can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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