just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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