When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
