There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
