I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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