I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
