just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
