Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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