the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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