Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
