If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
