Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
