just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
