Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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