dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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