1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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