i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
