I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
