1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
