I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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