Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize