I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
