I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
