I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
