Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
