yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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