i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I just put wine in my tea
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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