Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
