Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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