I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
