Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
