well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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