just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am available for nakedness
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
