He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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