i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're a waste of cheezeits
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
