I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
