do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
