Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
