I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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