operation have a gay friend backfired
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize