i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
