i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
