He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
