I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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