Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
