Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
