my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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