Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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